


It’s a Trade-Off

by abbseok



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Hanahaki Disease, Hinata has an illness, Kageyama and Hinata very much in love, M/M, Manga Spoilers, but i tried, but with a twist, ideas of fate, majority takes place post high school, might not be that great, minor fluff, not good ending folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:34:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23218582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbseok/pseuds/abbseok
Summary: Hinata and Kageyama shared the same dream of making it to the top, facing each other with the world, and then taking the world on with each other. Towards the end of their third year, Hinata finds himself diagnosed with myositis, a degenerative muscle disease that is dangerous, but highly treatable. Though as Kageyama discovers things growing inside of him—literally—they are lead down a path of uncertainty and soul-crushing discoveries.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	1. Curious Developments

**Author's Note:**

> Bonjour, I have taken my quarantine boredom and produced a simple tragic story. That said, keep in mind it’s been created in a short time and I haven’t put the utmost effort into reread things excessively. Please enjoy.

“Kageyama, give me a toss. Just one more, please.” 

He feels he hears every time he wakes up in a choked gasp, the inside of his lungs scratching and turning with every struggle to get any amount of air into his lungs. The phrase no longer reminds him of his invincible youth, unforgettable hours setting the same ball after ball to the same monster of a partner that Hinata was. 

Though they both were like that, every smack of Hinata's hand on the ball to the boom of the impact on the floor only moments later, never ever got old. Every night after already playing volleyball for hours, spending that time in the gym just to share the feeling that volleyball offered, not once got old. The ultimate connection on the court that they had, never ever got old. The feeling of sending every game-winning set to Hinata never once felt like anything but instinct. 

Though now, even if his legs burned and his fingers ached like never before, there’s absolutely nothing—nothing—he wouldn’t give to be able to once again watch Hinata come down from his jump, turn to him and say ‘Just one more.’ 

But being able to give anything for something like that is written nowhere on the cards they’ve been dealt. Not in the fine print, not a possibility on any card that could be drawn in the future. 

He really feels like he can hear Hinata saying it to him, yet through a strangled and sodden voice. And in those moments, he can’t tell if the tears that make their way down his face are from the weight of the growth that’s digging its thorns into the sides of his lungs, winding its roots around his heart, and sprawling its buds up through his throat, or Hinata’s sheer plea for help that rings throughout the back of his head. 

Sometimes it’s thirty seconds, other times ten minutes until he can get enough air to push out a dead flower from the inside of his lungs after the bracing it took to handle the new one that grew in. 

Kageyama can remember sort of when things started changing for Hinata. In the latter half of their third year, their after practice regiment became more rare. Hinata’s muscles became increasingly sore after any amount of work, leaving those after-hours exceptionally excruciating and hardly beneficial like they used to be. Some days were worse than others. 

Stamina, will, strength. They had never ever been an issue for Hinata. He was always able to keep jumping, keep pushing, just as everyone else around him made those difficult pushes for the hardest balls towards the end of the game. Everyone gets sore, that’s part of sports, even just part of life. But this was different. 

On one particularly bad day, about two weeks before the prelims, is when it became devastatingly clear that something was wrong. Hinata and Kageyama’s connection was strikingly off. It didn’t matter what attack they ran. Hinata’s legs simply weren’t keeping up. His jumps were low, forcing his hits often into the net or straight into blocks. His frustration was out of the roof, he had never ever once felt so unable to control his body, even among the weeks of soreness and pain he’d been increasingly experiencing. 

That day also, Kageyama can still feel the tension of the gym when he remembers Ukai calling Hinata outside the gym to talk after another swing into the net. It was so uncomfortable. All of the second and first years seeing one of their leaders so distraught and in poor condition seemed to upset the balance of the team. Kageyama, Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima really did their best to try to keep their composure. But nobody could ignore the doom that seemed to fall over everyone seeing Hinata in such a state. As Hinata and Ukai walked outside, Yamaguchi called for a 10 minute break. The three of them gathered over to a corner away from the rest of the players. 

“I guess I didn’t know what to think when Hinata was expressing the pain a few weeks ago, but this.....” Yamaguchi trailed off, unable to come to a conclusion about what could be going on. 

‘He’s just been working a lot, people have their slumps throughout seasons, we’ve all been there,’ is what Kageyama remembers thinking at the time, staring off to where Hinata and Ukai sat outside the doors. He knew it was foolish to think it then, but who would want something to be wrong. And for him, the others included, it was becoming increasingly less about volleyball and simply the state of someone dear to him. 

“Maybe I didn’t see it properly the other day or something, I don’t know,” Tsukishima stuttered out, scratching the back of his neck. 

Kageyama’s head tilted to urge him to go on, feeling like he could hear his heartbeat echoing through his chest. 

“Well, there was like this huge rash on the back of Hinata’s thigh above where the shorts cover. It looked like there was at least, but around it was all bruised, and I honestly couldn’t see how far up it goes from there. Either way, it’s not like I’m intentionally staring lasers into his ass but it looked like he was really trying to make sure it wouldn’t be seen.”

“Are you saying he just fell on his ass hard or something? I don’t get it.” Kageyama and Yamaguchi were definitely confused at the time, not really understanding why Tsukishima had seemed so nervous about this. 

“Well let me finish the story. It’s not just a random bruise looking thing,” he clarified, sending a glare to Kageyama, “it’s seriously like this rash. And sometimes with certain muscle issues like, there’s this rash that forms where what’s happening with the muscle like irritates the skin, and like it just looks like-“

“Tsukishima please, get to the point.” Kageyama urged, cutting him off. 

“It looks exactly like this rash that one of my cousins developed when I was younger. I don’t know what it was or why it happened or anything but the fact that something was wrong with his muscles and so far I feel like I’m seeing some parallels here.” Kageyama still felt like there was more to the story, that Tsukishima was almost working himself up to be able to say. 

Yamaguchi chimed in, “I mean did he get medication? Physical therapy?”

Tsukishima sighed before starting again. “I mean yes and no. He did do those things to try and help, but after the rash grew and spread and he became more sore it just got progressively worse from there.”

“How bad did it get, Tsukki?”

Tsukishima looked at the floor, an unreadable expression spreading on his face. “Well from that point, it was like not even a year later and he just like, died.”

Kageyama’s heart began to race. Most of him had thought this was completely unreasonable, the rash could be from anything. This could be completely coincidence. After all, whatever his cousin had sounds quite rare. Though they can’t erase the anxiety that comes from Tsukishima's unusually troubled actions. No matter what he’s thinking, his face hardly shows it unless he chooses. Same with his words and his actions. But right now, Tsukishima is showing them that he’s unable to be calm and collected either. 

On reaction, Kageyama marches over to the door, catching a glimpse of Hinata and Ukai's conversation. He can’t make it out well, but he can hear Hinata sniffling, and he can see Ukai’s reassuring hand patting Hinata's back. And looking down further, given the sitting position, Kageyama can see right where Hinata's shorts have slightly bunched up at the top of his right thigh to reveal something that is most definitely not just a bruise. Kageyama stomped out of the door, causing Hinata's tear filled face to snap up to him. The sight had made his heart twinge. 

The two had expected Kageyama to say something, but all he did was squat down to look at what had appeared on the back of Hinata's thigh. Hinata gasped and in a panicked fashion, attempted to cover the spot. Kageyama grabbed his arm, asking “What the fuck is this, Hinata?”

Ukai stood up to move to the other side of Hinata to see what Kageyama was referring to. 

“I just fell, thats all,” Hinata said as another tear ran down his face and he struggled to let his arm loose. Kageyama was not convinced, but who would be. Kageyama tapped the spot, as gentle as possible, but regardless, Hinata's face twisted into a strong wince. Even from the small tap, Kageyama could feel a strange amount of warmth coming from the spot, signaling that his body was at work. 

Ukai’s eyes widened, mumbling something inaudible, then telling them he’d be right back. 

Kageyama finally released Hinata's arm. “How long has this been here?” 

“Just a few days I don’t know. It’s not that bad, just leave it alone.” Hinata didn’t look at Kageyama, kept his eyes glued somewhere else. 

“Leave it alone? You’ve been in pain for weeks, Hinata. Tsukishima said he saw this the other day and told us-,” he hesitated saying it. He didn’t want to scare Hinata when this situation could be entirely different, and he almost didn’t want to force himself to face the reality of something like that happening. “He told us it reminded him of something that just doesn’t look good. Something is obviously wrong. You’re not in good shape right now.”

Hinata raises his voice, “This seriously isn’t a big deal! This is just a bad day and that’s all. I’ll be all better by prelims, and I’ll be good for nationals and it’ll be fine.”

“This isn’t just about damn volleyball, okay? This is about you! You’re in pain, and we are worried about you-,”

“You don’t need to be worried! I just fell, and this’ll be gone in a week!”

Kageyama was getting angry, and so was Hinata. It reminded him of when they were first years, fighting over their quick-attack. But this, was much different. Kageyama was unable to express the worry he felt with his words, and it just came out as yells and grunts, and Hinata could only do the same in response. Yamaguchi brought everyone back from break, starting them on a new drill to distract from the chaos outside the doors. They fought for another minute before Ukai returned with Takeda. 

The two pulled the angered boys apart, yelling at them to calm down. Their voices settled, but the last expressions they shared in that moment were full of anger and worry. 

“Listen, you two. Clearly something is wrong. That matter is undeniable. But we have the responsibility to handle these things appropriately instead of screaming and fighting in front of your underclassmen,” the boys dropped their heads in apology and nodded. Ukai continued.

“This moment is heated, so I know it was hard to avoid. Listen, Hinata, we are gonna have you take the rest of the week off.”

Kageyama’s eyes widened, and Hinata snapped his head up, ready to protest. 

“Bu-,”

“No buts, Hinata. I know the prelims are in two weeks. But there’s nothing wrong with getting some rest. You are going to go home now, tell your mom what is going on, and then from there on we will continue to handle the situation. Do you understand?”

Once again, Hinata's eyes welled with tears, because deep down he knew something was wrong. And he couldn’t put words to his feelings but something truly felt so off about what was going on, and he was no longer able to ignore it. Regardless, he nodded. The coaches went back into the gym. Leaving the two outside. Kageyama couldn’t bring himself to say anything at that time. Though Hinata didn’t really want him to say anything either, so he just walked off to the club room to get changed and then get himself home. 

He walked back into the gym, just for Ukai to call him back over. 

“Just for today, Kageyama, I think you should go home too.”

Though he had no protest for the proposition. He was upset, he felt bad for yelling, and honestly had had enough of this shit day. He muttered his thank you’s and goodbyes and walked off to the club room himself. 

He feels like the feelings after that day never left. A weight, even if small back then, had suddenly planted itself on his chest. 

That week of rest fared quite well for Hinata, and he was able to return the next Monday after promising the coaches he had made an appointment for the doctors the week after prelims. The soreness hadn’t left, but there wasn’t such another bad day like that one. To no ones surprise, they won their finals and earned another ticket to nationals. The last one of their high school career. Hinata took a few days off of practice in between then and nationals to ensure he’d be in good health for their last stand. 

His doctors appointment was certainly upsetting. Kageyama went with hinata to the appointment, and were driven by Ukai and Takeda, Hinata's mother being a bit tied up that evening. The two had seemed to easily fall back to normal after their scuffle the previous week. It felt like forever, sitting in that waiting room after Hinata got called in. The three truly didn’t know what news to expect. The rash had spread, very slightly, but still spread in just a few days. It only seemed to get more tender and slight more uncomfortable to use his right leg. 

Still unbeknownst to Hinata, his three friends continued to gather information about what Tsukishima’s cousin had gone through. With some digging, Tsukishima had been able to find a picture of the rash that had first shown up on his back. Looking at the picture was nerve-wracking, he felt guilty for doing this behind Hinata's back, but a part of him also wanted to take that risk in being able to know that it could be completely unlike whatever his cousin had went through. 

When he saw the picture though, his mind was blank, and he ran out of things to feel. Exactly like what he had seen on Hinata's leg was reflected to him in the picture. Yamaguchi tried to reassure him that rashes can come from anything, and Kageyama believes that too. The actual probability of it being the same is so so low. Yet that small weight that he had felt on that day, once again seemed to push on his lungs, and stagger his breath in his throat, just for a few moments. 

Hinata finally exited from the office doors, looking dazed with a growing limp on his right leg. The coaches decided a conversation could wait, and Kageyama followed suit, simply letting Hinata use his arm for better balance as they walked back out to the car. The ride was long and silent. Surprisingly, Hinata was the first one to break that. He didn’t look anywhere else but the window that his face was smooshed on, but he still talked. 

“They did some tests. I’ll need more later. Here they did some bloodwork and physical exams and did other tests for viruses and whatnot. It’s pretty undeniable that something is wrong.” That weight seemed to stagger Kageyama’s breathing again. Unable to conjure a response. 

“Did they say there’s anything you should or shouldn’t do?” Ukai asked. 

“Unless I’m in a lot of pain, I’m free to do as I please. Well for now that is, given that they don’t have a diagnosis yet. Along with the testing they’ve done, they want me to come back in a month to see how things have progressed.”

Takeda offered Hinata a reassuring smile, transitioning the conversation to talk about volleyball and school. In the rear-view mirror, Takeda could see Kageyama’s concerned eyes, unable to express himself with words. He was worried that the other boys closest to him would start to feel the weight of Hinata's issue.


	2. A Meeting with the Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata receives a diagnosis, and anxiety about his future sets in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter, but it just makes more sense to kind of split things where I did. Please continue to enjoy.

Nationals came and went. The boys finished amazingly, ending up in the top 5. Luckily Hinata wasn’t experiencing anything out of the ordinary. Yet while most of the team took a break after the end of their season, Kageyama and Hinata continued to do some after school practice, keeping themselves in shape for their futures in volleyball. Just after the end of nationals, Kageyama was contacted by the Japan National Team, looking to meetup with him after graduation to get him training with them and set up to enter the pros. Hinata was on edge about his future, aside from something being wrong with his abilities. He had to find a way to meet Kageyama on the same stage, and he wasn’t any less determined. 

He talked to Ukai about beach volleyball, and eventually was led to Shiratorizawa’s head coach, setting Hinata up to train in Brazil for two years after he graduated as well. 

A few weeks later Hinata had his follow up appointment. He decided to go alone this time. He hadn’t told anyone, but the rash had spread even further and became all the more painful in just the month it had been after nationals. The past week he had taken a break from practicing with Kageyama, but also a bit of an emotional break, he was having trouble dealing with the anxiety over the doctors appointment.

A few days previous he had texted Tanaka, Nishinoya, Asahi, Sugawara, and Daichi. They all still tried to keep in touch, but he also wanted to let them know what was going on, and it was also a bit of a plea for support, which they had a lot to give. 

In the taxi to the doctors office, he reread their cheerful messages, attempting to keep himself from getting too overwhelmed. Yet eventually the doom came, he tipped the driver, and limped his way up to the hospital doors. He closed his eyes and took a large breath before going in. 

His wait in the waiting room was too long. Getting lost in his head and in his thoughts. He knew his friends were worried, so worried. He nibbled on the inside of his lips thinking about they way they looked at him now, like they knew something he didn’t. Like they were so scared for him, but he didn’t really know why. 

“-nata Shouyou, the doctor is ready,” a nurse called from the big doors. His eyes had been fixed on the floor, his thumbs twirling in circles. He slowly got up, winced at the shock that blazed through his right leg, and followed the nurse to the exam room. 

The doctor showed up, surprisingly, within a reasonable five minutes, instead of letting his patient sit just running through terrible outcomes rolling through their heads. He made some small talk, and gave hinata some giggles as he went through some standard procedures. 

“Well let’s have a look at the leg shall we?” 

Hinata slowly nodded, carefully and slowly laying belly down on the exam table as directed. The doctor pulled over the side of the gown to look at his leg. Hinata’s face was turned to the left towards the mirror in the room, meaning he could see back at the doctor, whose face only began to fall with some sort of sympathy. 

“Well it’s definitely gotten bigger,” the doctor mentioned. 

“Yeah it has, it doesn’t hurt a whole lot worse though.” 

“Hinata, did you notice there is another similar rash developing in the middle of your back here? It’s still only the size of a coin, but it’s definitely new.” 

Hinata knew it was there. And he slowly nodded. It showed up only about a week and a half previous, and ever since his back has never felt worse. 

“You can sit up now, boy.” 

The doctor grabbed Hinata’s arm to support him, knowing how much that rash on his back and leg are probably affecting his movements. 

Hinata had done some research of his own. He didn’t really have any conclusions but based on the tests they did on him and after seeing some pictures he wish he didn’t online, all of the things he seemed to be in the ballpark of were awful. 

“We ran your tests, several times, and the conclusions we’ve come to are quite serious, and I want you to be prepared,” the doctor looked at him sincerely, looking at Hinata like his heart aches for him. It’s a smaller area they live in, the doctor probably has seen Hinata play volleyball on television, heard the name that he’s earned himself. And as often as they do it, it never gets easier delivering soul crushing news. 

“Im ready I guess,” Hinata replied softly, almost like an instinctual plea for the doctor to stop and reassure him that everything’s just fine. 

The doctor slowly nodded and took a deep breath himself. “All virus tests came back negative, leaving us with evidence from your physical exam and to go through an analysis of your blood test. When we do that, specifically for muscle related issues we look at certain cell counts, enzyme levels......” 

Whatever the doctor said began to turn to mush in hinata’s brain. He didn’t know all the medical terms of things and all he could eventually hear was the beating of his own heart. The doctor cleared his throat slowly, reengaging Hinata, though his heart felt so loud that he felt it was echoing around the room.

“...what we found in your blood, or more so failed to find lots of, led us in a certain direction with a diagnosis, and the rashes and developments you’ve had have proved it. Considering your age, the conclusion I have reached, is that you have a chronic illness called juvenile myositis.” The doctor patted his knee as a sympathetic gesture. 

His heart still beat as loud as before, no sudden stop like he thought would come. Like he had seen many patients say online, getting a diagnosis you’ve never heard of doesn’t really feel like anything. You have no clue what it means, or what to do about it. When someone has something like the flu, it’s serious and could get bad, but they know what to do about it and everyone knows it has a start and a stop and what getting the flu would mean for them. But hearing the words ‘chronic’ and ‘myositis’ registered none of that relief or understanding. 

The doctor picked up on his confusion, and elaborating on the diagnosis said, “a chronic illness or disorder basically means it’s permanent. It can fluctuate in severity over time, it can be treatable, and depending on the illness it could basically almost ‘go away’, but it never technically goes away and there is no cure. We aren’t sure yet exactly which subcategory of myositis, but regardless, each of them have a pretty high survival rate into the first few years of-“

“Wait,” Hinata's brows furrowed, unable to gather the right words, “I could die from this?”

The doctor took a moment to conjour up a response, Hinata's mouth falling dry. 

“Like I said, with proper treatment, the survival rate into the first five years or so is quite high. What this disease does, or means, is that your immune system is attacking the muscle cells in your body, which is where you see the rash and are getting the weakness from. Over time and untreated, that is something that can get worse and lead to dysfunction of muscles and the immune system can begin to attack other parts of the body other than muscles,” hinata’s heart once again boomed loud enough for the entire hospital to hear, his gut churning with every beat. 

“...but with treatment we can keep that process in control, and for longer periods of time. In most cases, it’s not the weakening of the muscles that kills a patient. Through treatment and the nature of the disease, you are much more prone to infection and are at risk to get more sicknesses at higher severities.” The doctor continued to ramble, Hinata’s heart hanging onto the ‘with treatment it can be in control’, his mind only wanting to take hope with him. 

“Though Hinata, we must be honest about what we notice with you. This illness is quite uncommon on its own, and we cannot predict for certain about how what we see will affect you. But the rash on your body has spread much faster than what we’ve seen, and as you’ve described, for the symptoms to have progressed like they did and to have fallen on you in a relatively short time does not speak well on the status of your illness currently. Do not get me wrong, you are not in any immediate danger. But throughout the treatment process we may need to keep you here at certain points to monitor the spread properly to fully understand what is going on. Though we can discuss that at a later time.”

Hinata and the doctor eventually shook hands goodbye and he scheduled another appointment for the next week like the doctor had asked. Hinata was maybe in shock, confused, worried, he didn’t really know. He didn’t have a lot of thoughts. There was so much he didn’t know, and so much of him didn’t understand the magnitude of what his future could hold from now on.


	3. The Beginning of The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another fight breaks out between Hinata and Kageyama. As they pass through graduation, their future is here, and Hinata’s plans have shifted drastically as he is in need of greater care. Kageyama starts experiencing some really strange things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO, this is your introduction to large time skips :)

Hinata followed up with his previous upperclassmen, and once again they offered all the support that their hearts could offer. His mom and sister gave him huge hugs after he got home, though he could tell by the gentle way that they held him that they were just as worried and confused as he was. Kageyama, Hinata, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi had met up the next day to talk about how the appointment had went. 

He told them about the diagnosis, and the second he said the name, the three of them glanced between each other, each of their hearts filling with worry. Hinata still didn’t know what they knew, but he honestly didn’t have the effort to care. He said it was something the doctor said was completely treatable, but something in him forced him to leave out the part about his case being different, and possibly more dangerous. They had a good rest of their time together, laughing and having fun, while also reminiscing that they were only a few months away from separating paths. 

Hinata started his treatment a week later. Off the bat, it just started with a few regulatory medications. Some things to handle side affects of the disease and small doses of immunosuppressants to help limit the amount of damage the immune system was doing to his body. The treatment plan also eventually included things like physical therapy, though the doctor ruled that it wasn’t needed yet. 

After another few weeks, Hinata did take note that the rashes were not spreading as fast, though a new one had appeared on his left ankle, and he knew that his next appointment probably wasn’t going to be very fun. Hinata woke up one day feeling particularly sore, not too unusual but the sharp pains that had began to dull seemed to be strangely prominent in his legs. He had practice with kageyama that afternoon, and decided maybe he’s just show up to do just some stretching or light exercise instead of a full practice. 

Though keeping himself at bay proved to be a much larger challenge than he anticipated. He ached to do more than his body was letting him. 

“Hinata, I’m not tossing you anymore. You need a break,” kageyama asserted, catching another ball Hinata had thrown his way. 

“Don’t treat me like a child, I can handle myself.”

Kageyama glared at him in frustration, or maybe concern over anything. They had just spent the last ten minutes trying to get Hinata to hit one ball over the next. But his legs, they really couldn’t jump. And when he managed to spring them high enough off the ground, they screamed in pain and his body all of a sudden became too weak to properly hit the ball anyway. He ran and ran and ran, but it was just miss after miss. Kageyama could see how frantic he was getting. Hinata pushing himself to the edge just to hit one ball. It reminded him of when they were first years and Hinata tried hitting with his eyes open, leading them to that huge fight. That time, he had watched Hinata swing at thin air, again and again and again, unable to keep up. Then, it had made him angry, because it wasn’t a set that was meant to do what Hinata wanted with. But this time, he could only feel pain. 

It was still miss after miss, but each time the ball dropped right where it should. The set that had been so perfectly crafted, just for him and Hinata to use, was failing. Falling to the floor, each time missing Hinata’s weak movements simply by milliseconds. It was just like that other practice, when he was so unable to control his body. He was so frustrated, looking up at a ball that is meant for him, his hand entire feet away from where it always used to be. He couldn’t take another time of looking up, seeing exactly what his legs were simply unable to do. 

After the silence, hinata had one simple request, “just one more, Kageyama. Please.” 

Kageyama couldn’t say no. His best friend was sitting on the floor, begging. He just wanted to hit one. Kageyama responded with nothing, walking back over into his position. Hinata’s face beamed it’s usual glow when it came to volleyball. This time felt right, he knew he was gonna get this one. Hinata threw up the ball for kageyama to set, he took his first step all the way to his forth, pushing into the ground with all the force he could muster, and he heard the soft friction of Kageyama’s fingers against the ball. 

But it was over before it had started. His legs screamed in pain, the muscles in his back constricting, and his sweat covered body seemed to sting absolutely everywhere, and he once again watched the ball drop in front of him. 

He simply dropped to the ground, letting his heavy head fall into his hands as a choked cry left his throat. All of his dreams flashed through his mind, being the best of the best at the thing he loved doing the most. Standing on top of the world in the biggest arena, fighting the biggest battle. Having the ultimate showdown with the man on his right, taking each other on with the whole world watching, and then eventually taking the world on with each other. His tears wouldn’t stop falling, because here he was instead, sitting on his high school gym floor with his body seemingly rotting away and being the furthest from himself than he ever even imagined possible. 

Kageyama rushed to his side, yet at a loss for words, and scared to touch Hinata. 

“It’s just another bad day, Hinata, maybe next week you’ll feel bett-“

“You don’t know what it’s like!” Hinata screamed back, Kageyama shocked at the outburst. Though he quieted down immediately after, “I didn’t tell you guys this before, but this illness is rapidly spreading, and they try to be hopeful around me but the treatment is hardly working like it should, and they know it too,” Hinata took in another stuttered deep breath. Kageyama’s own eyes began to flood with tears, never having seen someone so important to him break down in such a way. 

“I’m in so much pain, Kags, it hurts so bad,” Hinata hardly choked out in a whisper. Though when he said it, he clenched his heart, and Kageyama couldn’t quite tell if he was talking about the disease itself or everything Hinata felt he was losing. It was probably both. And at that moment, watching his dear friend lurched over in pain with gallons of tears, and sobs that echoed through the gym, his own lungs ceased to function. He couldn’t tell what happened, it only felt like a strange second of time, but the weight on his chest seemed to spread, and he felt like he could feel small spots line the inside of his lungs, forcing him into a short spout of a violent cough. 

It only lasted a second, but he felt like he didn’t get out whatever was in there, and his stomach and each inch of his skin waves with goosebumps. But those few seconds passed, and he eventually fully got down to wrap his arms around his friend who was unable to control his sobs nor the pained look on his face. And he never had a way with words, so Kageyama hoped his actions could give Hinata what he needed. 

Two months passed and Kageyama was moving to Tokyo for training with the national team, and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi went on their paths as well. Hinata’s training in Brazil was cancelled. After that night, Hinata had his next appointment, and like he had thought, the treatment wasn’t working like it should. Though at their smaller Miyagi hospital, they didn’t have the resources or the people to treat Hinata’s disease like it needed. So, he moved into one of the large and well known specialty hospitals in Tokyo himself. His disease was extra aggressive, meaning they had to take more aggressive action in handling his immune system. 

They needed stronger immunosuppressants, and in doing so this did not allow Hinata to be living on his own outside of the sterile enviroment of a hospital. His mother and Natsu were to stay back home, though since Kageyama was also in Tokyo, he didn’t have to spend all of his days alone. 

For a bit, Kageyama found it hard to go see Hinata. He had become weak, and he couldn’t forget that one night, Hinatas unplanned last time playing volleyball with him. Kageyama couldn’t even begin to fathom how Hinata was handling the emotional weight of being forced to give up his dreams, relinquish all the promises to everyone he had promised he would defeat. Maybe Hinata wasn’t handling it. Maybe he was avoiding it, but either way it irked Kageyama’s soul. Though he eventually got over his nervousness, and visited Hinata more often, he couldn’t avoid his best friend forever. 

He often visited Hinata during his physical therapy hours so they could move about together and Kageyama could use some time to stretch himself while Hinata worked on his muscle preserving exercises. Among his many visits, he saw Hinata’s progress and his set backs, and experienced many more of his really bad days. On those days Hinata was frustrated and discouraged, and tended to get emotional. Though nobody could blame him for that. Kageyama seemed to have gotten himself a stagnant cough that he couldn’t manage to shake. Though it was strange in the way that it functioned. 

It never bothered him during volleyball, and he rarely coughed around Hinata. Though it would always be at night, when he’d wake up choking and unable to breathe, coughing with such violence it would sometimes draw blood, and make him feel like something was stuck in his throat. 

He also couldn’t help but begin to make connections here and there. If he coughed around Hinata at all, it always seemed to be on his bad days. Hinata would begin to feel emotional and Kageyama’s lungs would feel more crowded. 

It was four months of Hinata being hospitalized, seven months total after Hinatas diagnosis. Hinata had been having a really good couple of weeks, he was allowed to take some trips outside and he was feeling less pain than he had in a while. His current treatment was successfully slowing the progress, and he signed up to test run a new medicine and it was faring quite well for him. Though almost like the flip of a switch, his mood spun a 180. He was extremely irritable and clearly had a lot on his mind. The nurses were unsure what caused the spark, though when Kageyama came in he immediately figured out why. The beginning of the VNL season was here, and Kageyama was rostered on the national team for the entire season. After all, it was a reminder of all of the only dreams he’s ever had that he’d been forced to leave behind. 

He was honest with Kageyama, he couldn’t stop asking himself ‘why me?’ And nobody had answers. It was simply the cards of life. Shuffled and drawn completely at random. He was the happiest out of everyone for Kageyama, and he was truly the most pained for himself, unable to cope with the fact that even these weeks, at his very best, he struggled to walk more than 100 feet on his own, or stand in one place for more than 5 minutes. 

Hinata began to cry, and Kageyama took his side, wrapping his arm around Hinata. 

“You are so strong, Hinata. I’m sure anyone here would ask themselves ‘why me? Why do I have to be the one to deal with this? Why do I have to be the one in a million with a dangerous and unpredictable case?’, but you’ve done what you can to live in the moment,” kageyama wanted to add on ‘I myself ask all the time, why you, the one who was supposed to be with me, and take on the world with me’, but he didn’t want to add salt to the wound. As Hinata began to cry more, Kageyama felt his lungs fill and a cough came on. He excused himself from the room, and rushed to the nearest bathroom.

He hadn’t felt a cough like this before, he could feel something inching out his throat, tasting disgusting and completely solid. His lungs pushed and his muscles violently ripped, he thought he was gonna pass out, he couldn’t keep any air in. His struggled grip on the edge of the sink caused his fingers to turn white, and his body forcibly heaved, pushing and flailing him around. And after a strong three minutes of coughing, with one final blow, he spit out into the sink a large, dead flower petal, soaked in blood with a pile of thorns.


	4. Well That’s Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama’s confusion leads him to the internet with his friends, leading to the discovery of some jaw dropping intel, which no one would ever expect to read. Also, love?

He stared down at the mass in the sink, blinking repeatedly, feeling like he was going crazy. He had coughed out a flower petal. Flower. Not mucus or some other bodily type fluid, but a flower petal and a few thorns like you might see on a rose. He looked at it some more, the petal was definitely dead and wilting, like it had been picked from a garden the day previously. He looked at more before once again realizing how absolutely crazy it was. He didn’t understand, this wasn’t some movie, or some stupid story. 

All this time, his lungs feeling full with something, feeling like something was growing. Though before this moment he assumed it was something like anxiety, given that it seemed to worsen when Hinata was having a particularly hard time. And then he remembered another detail about what was going on. For one to be just coughing up flowers, called the fictional hanahaki disease that he couldn’t believe could possibly be happening right now, they had to be in love–unrequited of course. 

Kageyama’s eyes still struggled to believe what they were seeing, he was still shaking his head and pacing in circles in the single-use bathroom. 

In love? He thought to himself. The culprit of that love, was far too obvious. Even someone as much of a dumbass of the culprit himself could not fail at connecting these dots. He was in love with Hinata. 

Kageyama previously hadn’t thought much about that current affection towards Hinata, assuming it was concern and worry for a dear friend, though what he could still feel the sting of in his throat proved that to be something else. Kageyama took a moment to gather his thoughts, as well as some panic, and prepared to say goodbye to Hinata for the day and head home. Taking a deep breath in to open the door, he waved his goodbye and let him know he’d be back the next week. 

On his way home, he pondered when he had started feeling this way towards a friend, it was probably when his chest started feeling heavier. When Hinata was first getting worse and Kageyama was overwhelmed with concern and uncertainty, the thought of his forever partner leaving him from their dreams becoming a reality. 

Throughout that week, he did as much research as he could on something that doesn’t really actually exist. Though he noticed something strange about the flower petals that he was coughing up. They were not fresh, they were starting to wither, and he couldn’t find a single theory along the lines of what he felt was going on.

Another four months passed, and unsurprisingly, Hinata’s condition continued to worsen. Two months previous he had gotten a cold, that later developed into him being really sick due to his weakened immune system. He was bedridden for weeks, feeling like shit and too weak to be able to do his psychical therapy exercises. It left him set back in his treatment, almost moving back to square one with his exercises trying to make up for the lost muscle and stamina. 

The sickness required for isolation, only Hinata’s mom being able to visit him, and she was only able to stay for one week, leaving Hinata alone in his room for days on end. Though the VNL season has started, and Hinata was able to watch Kageyama play volleyball on TV. And even though his heart ached to be on the court, and at some point during a game he’d find himself in tears as he looked at where he was, he felt he could live vicariously through his best friend. He was afraid that Kageyama would begin to feel guilty, talking about his practices and all the powerful people he’s playing with. Sometimes it hurt, but there was nothing he wanted to think about more than volleyball, his abandoned paradise. 

Over that span of time, Kageyama’s cough worsened significantly. It still occurred on the same parameters, but the coughs lasted for painful amounts of time. The content was no longer just petals and a few thorns. It was entire flowers, roots, branches, and buds that never bloomed. And as time increased, the contents coming out were all the more dead, increasingly separated from their lives, and all the more painful as they scratched and caught on Kageyama’s throat. By the time it would get to night, he could shine a flashlight down his throat, which would show small roots spreading upwards. The sight was horrifying, throughout the day he could feel them creeping up as they did, and he would eventually wake up at some point in the night to expel them. 

More online research pursued. He had told Tsukishima and Yamaguchi what was going on when they both came to Tokyo to visit Hinata. They couldn’t believe him. So, he invited them over to stay at his place late, and just before midnight, he handed them a flashlight. They took in tentatively, feeling ridiculous. They had called him crazy, figured he was stressed, and he probably was. Though he told them no lies, what they saw down his throat was exactly what he had explained, leaving them speechless and feeling like they were crazy themselves. 

They collected themselves eventually, then prompting Kageyama to expand on what he thought was strange. He told them about the fact that the different things were increasingly older and more dead that were coming out. 

“More dead?” Tsukishima had looked at him like he was stupid. 

“I mean like, at first it looked like petals off of a flower that had just been picked, you know? Like a little wrinkly, a little less color, but still soft.” The two seemed to begin to understand where he was going, and Kageyama gestured his hands to continue when he felt that familiar feeling in his throat. He checked his watch, it was already 1 in the morning, prime time for this sort of thing. He suddenly couldn’t talk, beating his chest to signal to his friends that it was happening, and then racing over to his kitchen to get to the sink. They watched in horror at what they were seeing, the violent wheezing echoed throughout their ears, and in between jerks of coughing he’d spit out a few blood covered thorns. 

Eventually, what came out was one full chrysanthemum. Although grossed out, Yamaguchi could see what Kageyama meant by weird. It’s not like he had been through it himself but based on what he knew it definitely felt off. It’s like the outer rounds of the flower were completely shriveled, yet the core of the flower was completely alive. 

Tsukishima handed Kageyama a glass of water and gave him a few pats on the back. 

“Thanks, I know it looks painful, and it really is but it’s honestly not even the worst part,” their inquisitive looks urged him to continue, “when it happens, I feel like I can hear him crying, or saying something.” Kageyama’s eyes started to water, no matter what came out, it didn’t match the sting of his heart when Hinata’s cries and frustrated, choked gasps echoed in his eardrums. 

Yamaguchi went straight to his phone for research, the other two catching up on life stuff and talking about volleyball. Yamaguchi found things here and there about this disease that he pieced together. He kept in mind that it’s fictional—although right here in flesh, or petals more so—, making it that much harder to find any consistent knowledge about the disease. He had to reach further into the web, and he eventually came across some website with all the information on weird types of magic and random psychic stuff. It seemed unreliable, but so did reality right now. 

“Guys, I think I found something,” the two got up and quickly went to join Yamaguchi on the couch. On his screen, was a wiki about the types of flowers in the disease. They kept scrolling and scrolling, until eventually finding a mysterious subcategory that just by the thumbnail, reminded them all of what they had seen come out of Kageyama’s mouth. It was titled ‘The Sick Love/Love that Cannot Be’. Which came off as fake and cliché, but once again, they had to keep in mind what they were dealing with here. 

The descriptions of the symptoms and progression of this subcategory seemed to fit all too well. There was a reason it was called a sick love. The title on its own already had a connection to Kageyama’s situation. Though one strong detail caught all of their eyes right off the bat. This one in particular, was not an unrequited love. It was a love that was meant to be. Kageyama is not a romantic, he hated calling it ‘soulmates’ in a sort, but realistically it was the most accurate description towards their proposed love. 

Though if it wasn’t a one-sided tragedy, why were there these flowers? Their question was quickly answered, the website reading this:

“This sort of Hanahaki occurs in a love that is meant to be. Somewhat connected by the cards of fate, and otherwise connected through a real-life unbreakable bond. And this love is a love that is fully returned. Whether realized by both or either parties is not important. Though if Hanahaki refers to a failed love of some sort, where does this come from? The answer to that, the one force that can destroy anything at random or by choice and is completely unfaltering. This force is death. A love cannot be, if it’s separated from it’s one driving force—life.”

This moment reminded them of what occurred almost a year ago, when Tsukishima had told them about his cousin, and all of their hearts had shattered for their friend in that instant, even when they hardly even knew if Hinata was anywhere near the same fate. Kageyama took a dry, shaky sip of the water in his hand, and continued reading. 

“But it’s not so simple. It’s called ‘The Sick Love’ for a reason. One party has been drawn the cards of a slow, painful, draining, and crushing terminal illness. That being said, the illness diagnosed may not be terminal on its own, the most common perpetrator is cancer, which although regularly can be treated, cannot for this specific person affected. Regardless of the treatment used, the effort put in, there is no other outcome than death.”

Kageyama heard a gasp to his right, he just glanced over for a second, but there he saw a few tears escape Yamaguchi’s eyes, and he was no longer able to keep in the ones he had been holding back. He turned his head back to the computer screen. 

“The other party involved is the developer of the flowers. They start near the time of diagnosis, and continue to grow as their partner deteriorates, over time leaving sections of flowers and roots to be more withered and rough. The dead parts are referred to as ‘the contaminated’ and are often an indicator of how long their partner has left. The higher the contamination, the shorter the days. Since one party’s cards have been drawn for terminal illness, the others cause of death can be nothing other than old age. 

This Hanahaki is connected through the souls in such ways. When the heart of the ill aches, new flowers grow and others wither to the deterioration of its connected soul, and readies itself for expulsion when tears begin to fall. In episodes, the disease often links the pain of the ill as well, leaving the flowered for feel like they can hear the cries and pained words of their partner. The more types of flowers and roots and forms, the more complex and connected the love is, and all more painful the process. As the condition worsens, the more the lungs fill, but when finally, the last shred of live has been severed, every last flower—every last connection to their soul—leaves.”

The three were left speechless. Here they were, at 3 in the fucking morning reading some wiki post about some fictional condition, yet feeling like their entire beings had been torn in half. Everything lined up. Every symptom, every seemingly possible thing lined up, and a few words continuously rang through his head. ‘Terminal’, ‘contamination’, ‘Soul’. If this was true, all the time Hinata was spending, all for him to eventually die over what seemed like a stupid and fictional love story. He remembered the contamination, and sobbed when he remembered how most of his plants these days were nearly half dead. Here this website was, telling him that they were soulmates, and that he’d have to watch his love die, and love with all of it for the rest of his life. 

His eyes wandered back to the screen to read the final closing paragraph. 

“For the believers of the powers of the universe, or the believers of fate and destiny, or whatever you are, this hand of all things that love kills is known to be the most tragic, among all lines of the Hanahaki disease and other related fates. Nothing is known to be more painful than something like this.”

A part of Kageyama wanted to laugh, questioning how his life, just a year ago at this point, went from being concerned about making it to nationals his last year of highschool with his friends to being twisted in some batshit crazy romanticized idea of the web of fate and the universe. He’d never felt more confused, and so conflicted. If this was true, he didn’t know what to do. Wait for the end? Tell Hinata? Not tell him? How could he visit his dear friend everyday pretending like he doesn’t know all of this stuff. 

The three of them had still said nothing to each other, but Yamaguchi eventually broke the silence. He gave Kageyama a hug and motioned him to bed, helping him get settled, realizing the weight of what’s been thrown on his friends shoulders. The two stayed until Kageyama fell asleep, leaving the rest of the conversation for another day.


	5. Progress and Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama and Hinata have a strong heart to heart, while Kageyama continues to battle with the knowledge he’s gained. An opportunity arises for Kageyama to meet with a missed person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s where I stop proof reading. Please ignore ridiculous typos and out of place words. Time to use those inferencing skills!

More coughs, and more nearly half dead flowers, roots, and buds. It was 11 months now, maybe even closer to a year, since Hinata was hospitalized, and Hinata was diagnosed about 14 months ago. Kageyama was due to visit Hinata again, but was still unable to sort through or handle any of the information he had read that night a few months prior. He had decided to just act like he hadn’t read any of that for now, and still avoid telling Hinata what was going on. He made his way up to Hinata’s room, bringing with him some cookies he had baked up. He was surprisingly good at baking, and Hinata was always ready for some delectable homemade treats. 

Hinata’s eyes glowed when Kageyama entered the room, Kageyama had never really noticed that before, but if the universe said that Hinata was in love with him then he guess he could tell. 

“These taste so good, Kageyama,” he mentioned after already being in his second cookie. He brushed the crumbs off of his hands and motioned Kageyama to help him into the floor to start some stretching, which Kageyama normally did with him. Watching Hinata’s weak arms gently set himself up properly once again reminded him of the whole contaminated thing, and the reality of the word terminal. They had their usual small talk, and as usual eventually transitioned to volleyball. 

“I watched your match against Brazil, even though you lost, I still can’t believe you even took them to five sets,” Hinata was always expressive and encouraging, making Kageyama’s cheeks redden and warm up. 

“It was a really good match. I didn’t even think we’d be able to do that.” 

Hinata added, “just like when we beat Shiratorizawa the first time, nobody thought we were going to do that. Though we won that match, probably because you had me.”

Kageyama couldn’t help what came out of his mouth next. 

“I miss playing volleyball with you, Hinata.” He saw Hinata’s face drop. He regretted bringing up something that was definitely more painful for Hinata than it was for him. 

“I miss it too, Kags. Either way I would’ve been in Brazil right now right? We wouldn’t even be playing each other yet,” Hinata smiled, “but I’m gonna get better, and then I’m gonna get out of here and get my revenge on you.”

Kageyama laughed, but his heart constricted like never before, because he knew it wouldn’t happen. He would never again play volleyball with Hinata. Hinata would never even reach his own dreams. He will never again probably be with Hinata alive outside of hospital they’re in. He scolds himself for getting so worked up in the middle of their time together, forcing himself to sit here holding back a possible breakdown. Though he subdues it, the topic on its own will probably find its way back to him later in the night.

His eyes always traveled to Hinatas wrists and joints, it didn’t matter how much he saw them but they really became so dainty and fragile, exaggerating his already small body. His voice got small, hoping to avoid any emotional fracturing of the sounds that came out. Kageyama was becoming increasingly sad. The burden of knowing you’re watching someone die, someone that you love is hard to carry. It’s frustrating to think about. 

“Kageyama?” Hinata’s hand waved in front of his face. He was no longer zoning out, but he felt to uncomfortable looking up, letting his stare stay on the floor in front of him. But Hinata wouldn’t let that pass, using his own hands to pull his face up from his chin. And then he could see how Kageyama’s eyes were glassy, and his expression felt heavy. 

“Why are you crying, Kags?” The one question that’ll make someone who maybe wasn’t even feeling that emotional burst into tears. And Kageyama is no exclusion from that. He’s not a loud crier, or an ugly one, but he doesn’t cry often, so when he does the tears just come down silently. They really don’t stop either, anything that’s been pent up till then has lined up to come out all at once. Hinata prompted him the question again, scooting closer to Kageyama. 

“I don’t know why I’m crying,” he said, wiping the tears out of his eyes with too much force. 

“I’m not stupid, Kageyama. Something is clearly wrong. I’m not a baby either, we can talk about this.” He moved all the way to sit next to Kageyama, letting his hand rest on his friends shoulder for support. 

“I just,” he couldn’t even put what he was feeling into words. What he wanted to say was, ‘I just can’t stand watching you wither away like this’, but expressing something like that felt simply unspeakable. 

“I just want you to be better. I don’t like that you’ve already been all cooped up here for nearly a fucking year, you’re not even 20 yet and it feels like this disease is just making you eat shit.” He continued to wipe all the tears from his eyes and Hinata continued to pat his shoulder. 

“Well you’re telling me,” he laughed. “It’s not great right now, but I’ve made progress. It’s not consistent, but that’s just kind of what the deal is. You know I’m coming for you Kags, another few months of these exercises and they’ll have me doing deadlifts again ya hear?” Hinata’s cheerful tone made the smile that appeared on his face unstoppable. He was always hopeful no matter the situation, but Kageyama adored that optimism above all. 

“Come here, Kageyama!” Hinata opened his arms for a hug. Kageyama had been so nervous to touch Hinata, scared he would snap or his muscles would tear apart. But he gladly took this hug, the insane amount of warmth coming off of Hinata’s body made him feel better than ever because regardless of their cards, Hinata was still here and very much alive, and there was no better feeling than being close to someone you aren’t meant to be apart from. 

Hinata got better over the next few months, emotionally, to be specific. His condition hardly improved, but the work he was putting in was significantly slowing or even halting any further deterioration of his muscles. That effort had him being able to be more active again, these days Kageyama would bring in a volleyball. They’d be able to pass the ball standing for a few minutes, but if it became too much they could just set the ball back and forth while sitting. 

Hinata truly was a ray of light wherever he went. He had made great friends with every nurse in any proximity to him, and became close to many other patients that he shared schedules with. Kageyama got to know a lot of them as well, though the two preferred to be able to spend their somewhat limited time alone with just each other. Their conversations didn’t change, and they still felt the same flow when they were around each other. 

Kageyama had less episodes of his own recently, which in turn meant that Hinata was having less troubles. They weren’t gone, his lungs were still full as ever, but he was glad that his throat wasn’t ruthlessly ripped to shreds all the time. A lot of people had come to visit Hinata while making their rounds through Tokyo. 

He was always bad at being organized and making time, but Kenma visited Hinata quite a bit as they were also close friends. Kageyama was never there at the same time, but he was glad a social butterfly like Hinata wasn’t stuck with just one person to talk to. Some of the more distant friends or old opponents they had left messages of strength to Hinata through Facebook or text, which were extremely helpful to him when he had days where he couldn’t even move his legs properly to get himself to the bathroom. 

Kageyama was unable to attend his visiting time the past week. His mom needed help back home and so he was back in Miyagi for a few days. World volleyball had been over for a couple weeks, and he had still a few more to go before the regular pros season started with the Alders. This was the perfect time for him to make a visit. He was so refreshed to see his parents after such a long time. He missed her cooking, his old room, and the quiet streets at night instead of the always bustling city. 

Being back home also gave him to opportunity to go back and meetup with people he hadn’t seen in a while like Ukai, or Shimada. And so he made time to see them. He walked straight into Ukai’s store, his old coach not even looking up from his magazine until he spoke. 

“Got any curry buns on right now?” 

Ukai slammed down his magazine and bolted from behind the counter over to give Kageyama a great big hug. 

“Kageyama! Are you visiting? I haven’t seen you in over a year now! Well in real life that is,” Ukai rambled on and motioned Kageyama fo sit at a table, disappearing for a second to grab them some drinks and a snack. 

“So what are you here for, Kageyama?” He asked, sitting down across the table and throwing away his cigarette. 

“My mom needed some help at home so I’m here for a few days during my break.” He took a bite of the curry bun, delicious as always. 

“Well I’m glad to see you! I watched all your matches this season, we really couldn’t believe it was really you out there playing the highest level of volleyball there is, but we weren’t surprised either.” They both laughed and discussed the whole volleyball scene for about 20 minutes, somewhat reminiscing in Kageyama’s high school career, even if it had ended less than two years ago. 

“Well,” Ukai sighed, Kageyama also knowing where the conversation was heading, “how’s Hinata doing?”

“He might not say so but realistically, not so great.”

Ukai pursed his lips, nodding. “Well I’d figure. The last time I talked to him was about a month ago. You know how he is, it doesn’t matter what’s going on he’s always gonna act like he’s on top of the world.” They both laughed, everyone knows the ridiculousness of Hinata’s nature. 

“He really does. I mean somedays he’s alright, he can go walk around the hospital or outside a bit and just chill and stuff, but I mean the things he’s gotta do to keep that stuff from just eating him alive is rough. He’s had a lot of set backs.” Kageyama put down his food, his stomach beginning to twist with discomfort and always being reminded of the weight of his lungs, “you just wouldn’t even believe how fast things have gone down.” 

Ukai nodded, beginning to speak more softly, like he could tell Kageyama was fragile about it. 

“He was so strong and healthy. And you guys are young too. For something that was apparently really treatable, this disease is really kicking him in the ass,” Ukai looked off, remembering the first day they had driven Hinata to the doctor, not really knowing what to expect, but not imagining the outcome to be something like this. “I guess that thing really looked nasty from the start, out of nowhere too.” Kageyama had little ability to form a response. Only humming in acknowledgement and nodding. 

“How are you doing, Kageyama?” An emphasis placed on the word ‘you’. Kageyama looked up, prepared to just brush it off and tell him it was going alright, even if reality was filled with tragedy and pain. Not only is half of the story ridiculous, but even beyond that, even explaining the pain one would feel from watching someone you love struggle felt complicated just as well. Though Ukai seemed to sense his hesitation, wanting real answers from Kageyama. He spoke again before Kageyama even gave him an answer. 

“This situation is hard for anyone around him, but don’t act like you two weren’t little love birds from the start. I know this is hurting you too, Kageyama.” He wanted to laugh, but he really just nodded in agreement. 

“You’re right. I really does just fucking suck.” Ukai stretched a reassuring hand across the table, which Kageyama gladly accepted. He still felt bad, knowing still that whatever Ukai was thinking about love and pain still wasn’t even the half of the situation, and aside from his two other friends he didn’t get the chance to talk to a lot, he felt really alone when it came to everything as a whole. So many conflicting thoughts, absolutely no clue what to think, feel, or do. 

They ended the conversation on a lighter note, and even if The weight on his chest was resistant to disappear, He was reminded that he is surrounded by lots of people who care.


	6. Piles of Set Backs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata acquires sickness once again, further testing exposes some dangerous and unexpected developments of Hinata’s disease. He’s ready to see some great volleyball though!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, truly am sorry about the time skips. Writing is hard

His return to Tokyo was not met with great news. Hinata had fallen ill once again. This meant more quarantine, more set backs, and the weaker he had gotten, the harder it became to recover. They still texted when they could, but not seeing each other was frustrating, and being so sick, Hinata found it difficult to focus and have the strength for long text conversations. Though Kageyama was hopefull this sickness would pass eventually. 

Hinata’s worsened and troubled state meant many more coughing episodes, he was scared when the first one hit after he knew he was sick. The aching feeling that a bad sickness would be his last moments lingered in his stomach. But although the contamination had increased since it had been maybe 6 months ago, it seemed to continue to increase at a steady rate. He wished it wouldn’t increase at all, the amount of time it had been, about 1 year and 4 months of hospitalization, was still far far far too short for the contamination to already be taking over about half and a thirds way of the flowers area. The time would come, but it wasn’t yet and he would like to keep it that way. 

Hinata battled his sickness better than doctors had expected. Towards the end of his quarantine, and about three weeks after getting sick, Hinata was able to finally get Kageyama registered under the list of exclusionary visitors that only his mom was on. The pros season was coming up and Hinata would not be having it if he could not wish Kageyama good blessing for the start of the season in person. Kageyama wasn’t allowed to get too close, and he had to wear a mask and gloves, but despite all he was really glad to be able to see Hinata in person, and Hinata was just as happy as he was. 

In moments like these, Kageyama wondered if Hinata and himself would ever talk about the way they felt, in regards to love that was. At this point it was like they knew, but it was fine being seemingly unspoken. After all it’s not like they’d suddenly be going on dates of doing anything different than they are now if they just decided to have some sort of formal arrangement. And Kageyama was fine with it being that way. 

Though part of him wondered what Hinata’s thought process was in not bringing it up. It almost felt like Hinata seemed to gain some sort of clue about his fate. Maybe the doctors said something, maybe he could just feel where his body was at as he approached his 1 and a half year mark of being hospitalized. Maybe something Kageyama did made Hinata think that everyone around him was certain he was dying for sure. 

But regardless, Hinata knew something. After all, it’s easier to leave when you feel like there’s nothing tangible that you’re leaving behind. Unspoken is ambiguous, no matter how tellable. Labels and commitments are strongholds that are not as flexible as the former, they will shatter and break, and kore easily leave scars. 

The sickness passed, and once again his muscles were at square one. He was able to keep up with exercises better than the first sickness, but that was only due to him reducing his dosage of immunosuppressants, which then increased the amount of damage being done to his muscles, and a few small and slow growing rashes showed up. No matter what they were gonna do about it, his muscles were going to be shot, their biggest priority being to prevent whatever he had caught from just killing him. 

He was able to bring the dosage straight back up after, but the damage that had been done was still felt in the soreness that was left, and it was even harder to get back to his proper exercises like they wanted him to be able to. It led to extreme frustration in Hinata, and a long strain of awful nights for Kageyama. If it wasn’t written in the rules that this Hanahaki couldn’t be deadly, Kageyama wonders what would happen to a regular human body in these conditions. 

Since being back at square one, Hinata’s doctors figured they’d do some screenings and see if there’s different methods they can take to approach another regeneration of what he had lost. He did lots more blood work, new physical and movement exams, as well as ultrasounds in his worser areas. The night before Kageyama’s next visit was the worst the thought he’d ever had. He coughed up an unbelievable amount of plants. I mean coughing up any is unbelievable on its own, but there were so many he hadn’t even seen before. And beyond that, he felt like he had blood pouring from every hole in his body, even if it was just his mouth and nose. 

He woke up that morning for the visit with left over thorns in his mouth that apparently didn’t make their way out a few hours prior. He was so tired, but more so worried for whatever happened to Hinata to cause that episode. He didn’t have any baked goods this time around, and he couldn’t bring things like flowers into the room, so he hoped his smile and presence would do the job. 

Hinata himself greeted Kageyama with his usual smile, but his face looked red and tired. Although Kageyama probably didn’t look all that much different. After a few minutes of small talk, Hinata addressed whatever it was that Kageyama was waiting for. Kageyama sat next to Hinata on his bed, and could easily tell that Hinata was avoiding looking at him. Hinata always had a habit of playing with his hair when he was telling something he was struggling to put into words. 

“I guess the tests they did came with some unexpected results that they weren’t exactly looking for.” Kageyama’s eyes were fixed on Hinata’s pointer finger that circled around the same strand of hair. He felt like he needed to be holding his breath, nervous for whatever was coming next. He patted Hinata on the knee, encouragement to continue. 

“I don’t exactly know how it happened, well I zoned out so I could’ve known, but regardless,” his hand continued to twirl around his hair, but he shifted his bright and classy eyes to Kageyama’s saying, “the disease has started to impact the function of my organs.”

Kageyama was taken aback, he probably would’ve been with any response, but something like this overall wasn’t within his understanding. 

“I thought it was a muscle disease? Just affected the muscles?” He felt the need to get closer to Hinata, maybe for himself or his friend. 

“I mean the disease affects my muscles because my immune system is attacking that tissue, which means it can kind of spread and attack different things. And some organs are made of muscle tissue, even if it only was on the dexterity before.”

Attacking his organs, meaning they would one day fail. Images of the dead parts of the plants flashed through his mind. They covered more than half of the plant at this point, and Kageyama became so so terrified. He knew it was coming. He had always known it was coming. Hinata took the lack of a response as inability of Kageyama to process the information and moved on on his own. 

“It’s not the end, Kags. The doctors don’t really know what’s next. I can’t even remember what organs they said it was when they told me yesterday. If they can control it, it could mean maybe just one day replacing a kidney. If they can’t, then-“

“Don’t, Hinata.” Kageyama already knew. And he knew so much more than anyone around him. He knew more than the nurses, Hinata, or any of the doctors. He wish he didn’t know. He would be happy being able to, even if blindly, believe that they’d just do a transplant and eventually be happily off together somewhere. But life is not so kind. Love; is not so kind. 

Kageyama let their shoulders fall to rest on one another. Hinata’s body was still just as warm. It always gave him false hope, that it was all just a big joke and he’d been pranked, or maybe just dreaming the entire time. He wanted so badly for those to be true, and he was sure Hinata wanted that even more. 

Hinata got back on his exercises, sustaining what muscle he could, though you can’t exercise your kidneys or your lungs or liver in the same way. And what happened to them just happened. The deterioration of those was slow. It could’ve started way farther back but was not affecting him enough to notice. It was hardly affecting him now, his organs that is, no signs of large or awful dysfunction. Yet, that is. If they hadn’t done those tests they still wouldn’t have known. But then again things seem to suddenly fall apart all of the sudden and so so fast, better to find out now. He had never been so grateful that it was his legs being attacked. 

Being far enough out from getting sick, Hinata was given another opportunity to leave the hospital for a day to do what he’d like. Kageyama was around when the nurse told him the news. He didn’t mean to say it, but it really had just slipped. 

“How about you come see one of my matches?” He had said. He worried that Hinata would feel sad at the suggestion, but his face simply lit up followed by an immediate “Yes!” 

So there Kageyama was, warming up for his match against the black jackals, full of people Hinata and himself played back in high school. And there Hinata was, sitting front row in his wheel chair with his mom, sister, and two attending nurses. He had run over during warm ups to give Hinata a fist bump, but then realized it would look like he’s doing some sort of Make-A-Wish event, so he just settled for a somewhat distant wave. Though Bokuto on the other team had charged at Hinata with little thought. 

Bokuto was one of the ones keeping in good contact with Hinata. The other members of Kageyama’s team like Ushijima or Hoshiumi were mostly kept updated through Kageyama. Ushijima once had prepared a beautiful gift basket for Hinata after a deep and sad conversation with Kageyama. 

Ushijima could tell something was on his mind during a practice, and strongly articulated to Kageyama that he would most certainly feel better after sharing. Kageyama explained how the future looked grim, and Hinata’s sickness was making him worried. Surprisingly Ushijima himself shed a tear for Hinata. He remembers exactly what he had said. 

“It was a shock to me that he was a person to have fallen so ill, being so strong. But after learning that it was a chronic disease, I was filled with pain over it simply being an awful hand at fate for an undeserving soul. I had told you both, when you defeated me, that I would crush you one day. But here you are, on the same team as I, and there Hinata is, unable to be with or against either of us.” Kageyama nodded, remembering that Ushijima was just as much of a volleyball monster as they were, and could empathize for Hinata, that pain of being torn from the court. 

Here they were now, a month later though, Hinata yelling to Ushijima a thank you for his gift basket, and Ushijima responding with his same apologetic wave and stoic face. The match pursued, and was truly some of the most amazing volleyball Hinata has watched in a while. All of these different people, a lot of them consisting of people Hinata had beat, coming together as one force. Though without Hinata. And that small, yet so large fact lingered in his stomach until the match was over. 

He saw Kageyama set so many balls, none of them would’ve ever again be for him. He saw so many he faces he had promised to surpass, he saw an entire team of people that it was his dream to crush all at once, but he was on the sidelines. Not because of his height or clumsiness like everyone thought would put him there. It was simply fate.


	7. The Real Beginning of The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Losing your dreams never gets easier. Sometimes things are fine, and the next thing you know they’re crashing and burning. A devastating conversation awaits for Kageyama and Hinata’s family, leading to a heart to heart between those who love Hinata the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it good yet? This is personal my favorite chapter. No particular reason.

After the match was over Hinata told the nurses he wasn’t feeling well and wanted to return to the hospital immediately. They easily agreed, figuring it was good time to go back anyways. On the way back, Hinata couldn’t prevent a few tears from slipping, his stomach and heart jumping all around, slamming themselves into every part of his body, causing him so much pain. 

As soon as the match was over, Kageyama began to feel it. He was afraid this would happen if Hinata came, but then again he was subconsciously prepared. He sprinted his way to the bathroom, locking the door and lurching over the second he was near the sink, bracing his tired body for the ripples of pain. 

This time, his heart ached like never before. He wanted to just cry and scream. His heart felt like it was shattering, falling apart and having pieces torn away and losing things he loved. His hand wandered up, clutching his chest, his teeth clenching at the realization that he was only experiencing a fraction of the way Hinata’s heart was. 

He headed back to change and meet with the team after cleaning himself up properly and collected his thoughts. He checked his phone on his way out, stopping in the lobby of the arena to read a text from Hinata. It read:

‘Sorry I couldn’t stay too long after the match. You did great! It was so much fun to see everyone play in person! I’ll see you next week xx’

Kageyama cringed, knowing it probably took a lot out of Hinata to fake the happiness in that message that normally comes so easily. He wish he would let himself be honest, but it’s not like Hinata to do that. 

“Hey, Kageyama!” Came a familiar voice from behind him. He turned around to see Miya Atsumu waving him over to the seated area in the lobby. He was joined by Bokuto and Ushijima as well. 

“Good to see you again, Kageyama. Here we are playing each other just after a couple months of playing together on the national team right?” They all laughed a bit and bantered about the game they had just played. 

“Bokuto, it’s unlike me, but I can’t help but laugh when you make mistakes. Your reaction is too amusing to me.” Ushijima said, putting a hand on Bokuto’s shoulder, who immediately slapped it away. 

“Well it makes me laugh when you,” Bokuto’s nose scrunched trying to think of literally anything to make fun of Ushijima about. 

Atsumu cut off his fruitless train of thought with a bonk to the head and saying, “stop being an ass, Bokuto. The four of us really need to go out to eat or something sometime. Kageyama, you need to do a better job of staying in touch,” he said, pointing an accusing finger at him. 

“Yeah! Sometimes you’re hard to read, but if you don’t talk to us at all we might just think you hate us or something,” Bokuto added on. 

Kageyama chuckled, “yeah my bad guys. I’ll better that up. I’ve just had a lot on my mind recently.” 

Atsumu’s posture loosened up, placing a consoling hand on Kageyama’s shoulder. 

“We know, that’s exactly why you need to be keeping in touch with us, you know?” Kageyama nodded, and they all walked out of the entrance and into the parking lot. 

When he got home he sent a quick response to Hinata. Then he made himself a small fruit cup and plopped down into his couch. He didn’t feel like turning on the TV, or playing any music. He was fine just letting his body be consumed by the cushions, watching the busy streets below him in his long windows, and it his fruit in nice peaceful silence. 

Regardless of what he heard from his friends or adults like Ukai, he was still a person that always struggled with communication. Especially now, feeling like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. But he supposed many of others around him are going through the same thing, even if they don’t have some magical fantasy fairies that make jungles in their lungs because their destined soulmate is on their deathbed. 

He doesn’t know if knowing it has made it easier or harder for him. It’s been weird keeping something of a secret. It won’t be a secret forever, because one day Hinata will eventually die, but he’s continuously unsure if he’s doing the wrong thing by not telling Hinata any of that. But like he had thought before, it seems like Hinata already knows, and their relationship alone is already full of so many unspokens, so why not let there be more. 

More months come and go. Just like predicted, all of the sudden things seem to fall apart, and continue to do so rapidly quickly. After discovering the spread to his organs, they initially started doing blood tests about every two and a half weeks. About a month previous it became strictly every week. 

Kageyama doesn’t know the medical terms or what exactly they’re even looking at, but in between just over two weeks of time Hinata went from being in the clear to having shaky and decreasing kidney functioning. And now, being a few weeks past that mark, low kidney functioning. He looked as pale as ever, and was hooked up to more IV’s and sometimes other machines that Kageyama hadn’t seen before. 

Kageyama had spent more time in the hospital with Hinata than ever before in these past three months. He visited more days in the week than he didn’t. What caused the sudden urge he doesn’t quite know. Maybe it was fear, or the fact that his death day was getting evidently closer, or maybe it was plain old love. But what he thinks is most likely, is his fear. For the first time since he was hospitalized, Kageyama truly feels like Hinata is falling through his finger tips. 

Before, you could see he got skinnier. You could see his rashes, and you could see that he was in a wheelchair. But nothing took away his smile, his expressiveness, and his obnoxiously loud voice. And those things, as well as a million more, are his Hinata. So now, when he walks into a room somedays where Hinata can hardly keep his eyes open, or hold his head up like he should, Kageyama musters the strength inside himself to worry about it later. Those days are Hinata’s bad days. 

They aren’t everyday, but his new everyday still lacks his old energy, because he just doesn’t have it in him. He doesn’t have the movement or the focus, and Hinata knows it too. Hinata has always been one to show people his strength, which he always had a lot of. Though this leaves him involuntarily without strength or control, and losing those things have made Hinata feel ten times—If not fifty—more violated than anytime he’s needed to ask for help to get to the toilet, take a bath, or pick up something he dropped that had slid across the room. 

When Hinata was first admitted, it was so they could protect him from getting sick and be able to focus on what he needed to do all day long while they gave him medicine for a treatable illness. Here they are nearly a year and nine months later, the illness hardly being the heart of the issue, and the doctors desperately scramble to keep his kidneys from shutting down, and his lungs able to push air in and out of his body. 

When his kidneys started to kaput, his mom was immediately notified. And given the circumstances of the issue, she and Natsu had came to Tokyo and been staying in an Airbnb since. 

Kageyama dang the doorbell of their Airbnb, not for a casual meeting like he might enjoy. Hinata’s mom and himself got along quite well. But this time, one of Hinata’s main doctors had called them to a meeting with him at a coffee shop nearby, away from the hospital. Nastu opened the door, immediately starting Kageyama in a conversation. 

She and Hinata were so unbelievably alike, and probably because of their mother. She mostly came off as a bit more reserved and shy, but she was so so caring and so smart, someone simply made to be the perfect person to care for others. 

Hinata’s mom emerged from the bathroom, and Natsu sprinted over to her to grab her mom’s hand. 

“Ready, Kageyama?”

He nodded and got up to follow them out of the door. Natsu was still somewhat young, and even if she understood the situation, kids naturally just tend to ramble on like nothing is wrong. They’re both grateful for that. There’s nothing they wouldn’t do for a little more joy right now, and Natsu’s off key singing is filling up an Immeasurable amount of silence that the two dreading adults feared. 

They reached the coffee shop, and took a breath before going in. Kageyama’s hand rested on the door handle, clenching and unclenching. His brain reminded him that whatever he was gonna hear now, he probably already knew, though his heart still didn’t feel any less pain. He closed his eyes and pressed the door open, the quiet room and fresh smell of coffee filling his senses. 

The spotted the doctor over to the side at a circle table, already having ordered some coffee for Hinata’s mom and Kageyama, as well as a small hot chocolate and a cookie for the little one. They sat down next to each other, the doctor intentionally putting Natsu’s plate further off to the side. They greeted him with a smile and a handshake, and the common place phrase of ‘how are you?’ To which neither of them said anything but ‘fine’. 

From his bag, the doctor pulled out some of Hinata’s files. They basically were pages of things here and there to help them understand where Hinata was at, and help himself properly introduce the hard news that had to be delivered. 

“These are the files from the blood tests that we were running from the test that signaled a sharp decrease in kidney function to his most recent one,” the doctor turned the papers towards them. They bent over the table to look at them more closely, but regardless it was still full of information they couldn’t understand. 

“I don’t expect either of you to know exactly what is going on here but in showing you these files, what I want you to see are these numbers here to the left, and this graph we compiled the information on over here,” his fingers pointed to them on the pages. And as they already knew, the numbers were lower and lower, and the graph did too. 

“These are our basic representations of Hinata’s kidney function over time, specifically a quite small window of time, this initial drop being just over a month ago, and decreasing somewhat substantially each week. Neither of you are fools, I’m sure you can read a graph and come to the conclusion that it’s apparent his kidneys are failing.”

They both slowly nodded and waited for the doctor to continue. 

“The only thing we have as a measurement are these numbers here. How his other vital organs have been impacted, we do not know. There are many variables when it’s coming to the function of things like his heart or his stomach. And if they’re experiencing the same deterioration from the disease like his kidneys are, we simply don’t have the ability to confirm that.

Though through some observation, his breathing patterns and respiratory ability has altered as well. It is not nearly as prominent as the kidneys, but these developments have lead us to believe that his lungs are being attacked in the same way.”

Hinata’s mother stifled a sniffle, while Kageyama’s face remained blank, but his limbs felt heavy. 

“Today he was given an oxygen tank at his bedside. Not because he needs to use it as of now, but we are having him wear it at night at the very least simply as a precaution. He was recently up on he kidney transplant list, but also as of today, was removed.”

Once again, Hinata’s mom’s eyes erupted with tears, and Kageyama placed his arm around her shoulder, pulling her tighter. 

“It may had been apparent some time ago that Hinata’s condition was becoming increasingly untreatable beyond supportive care, but is now proven as his organs have become infected. Once it made its way to the kidneys, we realized we no longer had any control over the spread of the illness.”

The doctor cleared his throat, putting his spread out files away and adjusting his glasses. 

“That being said, it is unpredictable and relatively out of our hands. Now that we are seeing distortion in his breathing ability, we realistically,” he once again cleared his throat, and Kageyama stroked her arm while she wiped her tears away.

“We realistically,” pause, “are looking at Hinata’s final weeks.”

Hearing it out loud sent daggers into Kageyama’s eyes, silent but countless tears emptying onto his face. Hinata’s mother cried, and Natsu’s face read fear and confusion, joining her mother and Kageyama. 

The doctor gave them a few minutes before giving them his final notes. 

“It could be a few weeks, another month, but we simply don’t expect it to even get to two. If anyone had any outstanding plans to visit Hinata, I’d encourage you to inform them that they should do so as soon as possible. I am very deeply sorry. All of you and Hinata included did all of the right things. You offered endless support, and he put in every ounce of work that was needed. 

Unfortunately, there are reasons why numbers like ‘95% treatable’ exist, and it never crossed my mind that such a healthy and strong willed young man would be separated from such a number himself. Once again, I am so deeply sorry.”

They shook the doctors hand again, and he left them with an informational pamphlet on hospice care. 

Their table was still silent for sometime, not knowing how to carry on after. 

“I guess I myself started to question Hinata’s fate. I don’t know if you knew, but they didn’t anticipate him being in the hospital for so long. The plan was originally sixth months in the inpatient plan. But life happened, and I guess it was just supposed to be like this from the start.”

Kageyama shook his head a bit in disbelief, his gaze focused on the floor, “I guess it really was.”

She leaned over to embrace Kageyama in a hug, “I thought he’d be out of there. Or at least never on his death bed because of this. I really never saw any other future for him than volleyball.”

Kageyama laughed, “Me neither. I thought he was crazy saying he was gonna go to Brazil, but he would’ve done anything to be the best of the best.” It felt like they were talking about him like he was already dead, and it made Kageyama almost feel sick. 

She gave him one last big squeeze saying, “I’m sorry we couldn’t all be a family, Tobio.” His mouth contorted, and once again, an abundance of tears rolled down his face. 

He could only manage to say one thing, and he could still hardly even manage to say it. 

“Me too.” He just barely squeezed it out. She got up, wipes the tears from his face and gave him a kiss on the forehead. Natsu gave him a squeeze of her own. Hinata’s mom told him that she’d contact him later in the week to discuss other plans. He nodded, and she grabbed Natsu’s hand and left the shop. 

Sure she had had her cry, but Kageyama didn’t understand how she seemed so collected. He didn’t understand why she was wiping his tears away and feeling sorry for him. After all, she was the one losing a son, and losing a giant, irreplaceable piece of her life. But in her eyes, so was he.


	8. A Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The members of Karasuno come together to wish Hinata a final goodbye. Kageyama becomes increasingly upset and distant, unable to face the reality to which he knew was coming.

These days, Hinata was too tired to stay awake if he wasn’t talking with other people or going to the bathroom. He had less energy to be sad and knew he had a lot less time to be sad now. For Kageyama, that meant he had significantly less times waking up in the middle of the night, or no need to bolt over to the sink during his dinner to expel whatever atrocities he could. It was a nice break, and at the same time it felt good on his heart. 

When he did cough though, all that was left on the flowers were the middles. Everything else was completely contaminated, so dead and weak that the edges often turned to powder in his lungs and mouth, and with every cough came a spout of gray dust. 

After their meeting with the doctor, they decided they’d call in a gathering of Hinata’s closest friends. Not everyone was free, but the final list consisted of Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, all of their old Karasuno upperclassmen, Ukai Takeda, and Kiyoko and Yachi. 

Given that almost immediately after high school, which had already ended two years ago, Hinata had been brought to Tokyo and put in this hospital, his closest friends stayed the same. The hospital had agreed to let them use a much bigger room, normally used to house six patients instead of a room like his that catered to one or maybe two. The room suited the 12 attendees as well as Hinata’s mom, Natsu, and Kageyama. 

The night before their gathering, Kageyama baked cookies and cupcakes, and Hinata’s mom said she’d handle the drinks. The meeting time was 11 am, so they agreed to meet for set up at the hospital at 9:30. 

Kageyama was first to arrive, quietly entering the sleeping Hinata’s room. He set his stuff down and went to grab himself a coffee from the hospital cafeteria. When he returned Hinata was awake, and the nurses were mobilizing his station for transport to their gathering room. 

“You’re here early, Kageyama!” Hinata was as glad as ever, boasting with his usual and familiar energy. Maybe they gave him something to pep him up, or he really was so bustling with adrenaline to see everyone. 

“Well are you gonna set this shit up?”

Hinata laughed and Kageyama picked up a few of his bags and set them on Hinata’s bed, leaving just a couple to carry along with his coffee in the other hand. Kageyama followed behind the nurses down the hallway, and then was joined by Hinata’s mom and Natsu just moments before reaching the door. 

The two calmly and quietly set up some small card tables and folding chairs while the nurses hooked everything up properly. Kageyama put out all of his cookies and cupcakes on his fancy trays, and Hinata’s mom filled up the drink cooler with ice. It didn’t take too much longer to set things up, leaving them with 45 minutes of time before anyone would show up. 

Natsu had spent the set up time playing with Hinata on his bed, but like any kid does she got bored and moved to her Switch. Kageyama and Hinata’s mom pulled up chairs and sat on either side of Hinata’s bed. 

Just like any movie has ever proposed, despite any conversation, the room still felt silent and awkward. They had a hard time meeting each other’s eyes, feeling that if they looked too long they might cry. 

The time read 10:45, the first knock was on the door. Kageyama jogged over, and in opening it revealed a smiling Sugawara. Kageyama gasped, even though he knew he was coming, it was more exciting to his friends after so long than he thought it would be. Suga immediately pulled him into a hug, which he was glad to reciprocate. 

“Kageyama! You really are as big as you look on TV I can’t even believe it!” Kageyama laughed and Sugawara moved on to greet Hinata’s mother and then move on to the main star himself. Hinata’s smile was as big as ever. He watched from the other side of the room, smiling himself when Sugawara asked ‘Can I hug you?’ And Hinata’s response being, ‘Of course you can! Everything hurts, but I’m not glass!’ 

People continued to file in shortly after, all greeting Kageyama with a quick hug at the door and then making their way to Hinata. The room was still silent and awkward, everyone unable to shake the feeling of a giant elephant in the room. At some point upon their arrival everyone had pictured what their first true reunion would be, imagining they’d all come to watch Hinata and Kageyama settle the score on the world stage. Nobody ever thought they’d be here instead, preparing to say goodbye. 

It was a few minutes after 11, and they were only waiting for Tanka and Nishinoya, who unsurprisingly were the last ones to show. But they didn’t make anyone wait too long, just a few minutes later bounding into the room yelling, 

“Shouyou!!!!!” And immediately running over to Hinata. Their energy immediately dissipated the thick bands of tension in the room.

“Nishinoya!! I’m so glad you could make it, I heard you were in Italy!”

“Yeah I was, Hinata! But I was planning on stopping home soon anyways, and who would miss an opportunity to see their dear friend?”

All of the team took their time mingling around catching up with each other and took their turns in small groups to talk to Hinata. All the older adults stayed over in one area with Natsu, and Kageyama was joined on the other side of the room with Sugawara and Daichi, sitting on either side of him. 

“How are you doing, Kageyama?” Suga started. 

Kageyama pursed his lips, and then opened his mouth, closed it right after, and shrugged. He didn’t have an answer for them. He didn’t know if people were just trying to start a conversation, if they were asking about his life and volleyball, or if they were asking how he felt about Hinata’s grim fate, which they should automatically assume the answer to be bad. 

The other two just nodded at his lack of a response, silence is also just answer enough. 

Sugawara put a hand on his leg saying, “don’t get too caught up in now. This isn’t easy, or fun, or anything good. But you’re still young, and there’s still lots of life for you out here aside from us in this room, or your other friends, and even Hinata.”

Kageyama just shrugged again. He didn’t want to feel like he should already start moving on, and he didn’t want to admit to anyone else that Hinata was dying. It didn’t matter how long he’s known it, or how much it shows. The kid in him still wants everyone to tell him that Hinata is gonna get out of here and they’ll all be fine. 

“Really, Kageyama. Whatever you call it, the universe still has plans for you. It doesn’t end here, and it doesn’t end with Hinata,” Daichi added. 

“I know,” Kageyama muttered. Daichi patted him on the back, got up and cleared his throat to gain everyone’s attention. 

Kageyama continued to stare at the ground, still unwanting to move from his spot in the corner. Sugawara understood that, leaving Kageyama to be by himself and leaving him a few final words to their conversation, 

“We are all here for you.”

Everyone turned towards Daichi, who pulled a paper filled with words out of his coat. Kageyama just zoned out. Daichi started on his speech, he could hear some muttering, and his friends sometimes laughing, but he could really only pick up on the beat of his own heart, and he felt like he could hear roots embedding themselves in his lungs, and flowers opening from buds in his throat and immediately disintegrating. The taste in his mouth was awful, but it wouldn’t go away. 

He tried shrinking the roots in his mouth using salt water and mouth wash and anything he could think of to just get them to recede just the slightest amount. But they stayed just where they were, no science or real logic to work on something that wasn’t either of those things. 

When he looked up again, Daichi’s momento was finished, and everyone was back on regular conversation. He heard Ukai’s voice call him, and his eyes drifted over to see Ukai gesturing him over to Hinata’s bed where Takeda also was. He slowly got up and walked over, still unable to find it in himself to look at Hinata. 

Takeda started, “it’s been just over two years since the day when the four of us got in the car to take Hinata to his first doctors appointment. We didn’t know what to expect, and we certainly never expected this. Even when you two fought, after you confront Hinata about his leg, we had no doubt that you two would come back from that. 

No matter how many years it took to finally get along with one another, you did it, and are here at the end of the road with each other. Maybe it’s not on the volleyball court, and that’s simply just the cards you’ve been dealt. It was our pleasure, Hinata, to watch you grow from the baby bird you started as, with the people closest to you.” They both shook Kageyama’s hand, and gave Hinata a final hug. 

Within another half an hour everyone had said their final goodbyes, some tearful and others putting on a smiling face, and followed up by reminding Kageyama to stay in touch. Kageyama and Hinata’s mom had finished cleaning up and thanking the hospital staff for their accommodations. Natsu’s stomach growled and the two left for a late lunch, leaving Kageyama and Hinata by themselves.


	9. The End of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata has a request for Kageyama. Kageyama’s observations leave him in anxious anticipation. The universe makes a trade-off and relieves itself from Kageyama’s life, but not for free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chap :o and it’s short :/. If u enjoyed please share, leave kudos or comments. Those things are cool. Please enjoy the rest of your quarantine.

Like habit, Kageyama got up and sat squished up to Hinata on his bed. Hinata’s body could no longer muster the same warmth, but nonetheless Kageyama was happy with what was left. They sat in silence for a minute, Kageyama looking down at his fidgeting fingers, though he could feel Hinata’s stare burning into the side of his face. 

“Look at me, Kags.” Kageyama pushes out all his hair and slowly turned his head to face Hinata. 

“Was that so hard?” Kageyama clicked his tongue and smiled, and Hinata giggled himself. 

“No, it wasn’t.”

Hinata grabbed Kageyama’s hand, who, just like habit, interlaced his fingers with his. 

“Don’t miss me too much, Kageyama.”

“Dumbass, don’t talk like you’re dying tomorrow.” He said, rubbing his thumb on the back of Hinata’s hand. 

“Then don’t look at me like I died years ago.” Kageyama sighed, letting his body sink into the bed and his head fall to rest on Hinata’s shoulder. 

“You can’t ask me to do that, to not miss you that is.” He felt Hinatas weight slump against his side, his head falling onto Kageyama’s. 

“I know. But I’m the one dying, so I at least get to ask you to pretend like I’m not until I have.”

“I guess so.” They sat in silence for a long while, just laying. Eventually Hinata fell asleep, and Kageyama slowly got off the bed, slipped on his oxygen and grabbed his bags. 

When he lay in bed that night, he wondered what it would be like once Hinata was gone. If he wasn’t at volleyball, he was at the hospital, and spending time with Hinata took up a large majority of his time. He couldn’t imagine just staying home each day all alone. Though he guesses that that’s what friends are for too. 

The rest of the week passed, it was a break week for volleyball and so he was in the hospital more than ever before. In just a few days, Hinata was now at the point where he had to keep his oxygen on all of the time, and his lungs completely were unable to muster the power to take in hardly anything aside from what was being pushed in. His voice was raspy, and his pale skin looked paler than ever, and his eye bags made him look like he was rotting. 

The sight was unbelievably difficult to handle, but Hinata had asked him to pretend like nothing was wrong, and so he did. Kageyama’s lungs too, felt like they could take in absolutely no air. He was coughing up dust and dirt, little thorns and such just when he was coughing like a regular person and not having a full blown episode. They were as full as ever. He had to take super short breaths, and on his way up to Hinata’s room that day, he had taken multiple breaks along the stairs to catch his breath. 

He wondered how long it would be like this, in the past two months, all of the flowers still were just at the core. It didn’t change from just being the center of the flower that was still alive. 

He spent his day there like usual, though Hinata was a bit sleepier than normal and dozed off while they were playing go fish. Kageyama didn’t mind, and just cleaned up the game and turned the TV on at a low volume. He was still asleep when visiting hours came to a close, and didn’t have the heart to wake Hinata up. He packed up his bag, leant over Hinata’s bed and placed a kiss on his forehead. 

“See you tomorrow, Hinata.” To which Hinata responded in his barely awake state with, 

“See you tomorrow, Kags.”

Kageyama left, his lungs feeling full to the brim, and picked himself up some takeout from his favorite restaurant. His heart felt calm, and his brain felt serene. He ate his food, took a shower, and watched a favorite movie of his before heading to bed. 

He took his freshly washed sheets out of the drier, and slowly made his bed. His lungs heaved and every inhale and exhale echoed throughout his head. He turned off the lights, settled himself in, sank into the mattress, and laid his head down on his pillow, falling asleep immediately. 

What felt like not only seconds later he woke up. But when he looked at the clock, it was 3:09 instead of 10:30 when he had got in bed. He was struggling to breathe and he was dripping in sweat, his blankets all around him were soiled. All of a sudden he could hear choking, and his lungs ached but it wasn’t coming from him. Just moments later his heart felt that it was pierced with glass shards, beating at a mile an hour and pounding outside of his chest. His stomach lurched, and he began to get up to move to the bathroom, but his legs were weak and unable to move. 

The choking noise that he heard continued, almost inaudible murmurs of ‘help!’ skating through his ear drums. His body shot forward, he was completely unable to breathe, and panic set in. His hands shook and he felt that his heart would explode. With one push, he emptied out three flowers, the centers fading to gray and falling apart before his eyes. Tears erupted from his eyes, and with the smallest breath of air he could muster, Hinata’s name fell off of his lips. Roots, thorns, and more forcefully emptied their way through his throat. 

Sticks and stems tore his throat to shreds, and choked cries for help and strangled groans shattered his heart into pieces. His eyes were bloodshot, all of his force being used to cough out everything that filed into his airway. His voice yelled ‘No!’ over and over again, but flowers and leaves drenched in his blood continued to fall through his lips. He looked over to the clock, which now read 3:15. 

Hinata’s strangled screams continued in his head, and with his hand, he reached down his throat, grabbing one large root that couldn’t push out out. The one root that feathered off to embed itself into every square inch of his lungs. He closed his eyes, and with one fighting pull, he ripped the rest of the system out of his lungs. The pain made him scream, and out came a netting of rotten roots, drenched in his blood. And with one final jolt, the noises in his head stopped, and he looked among the blood drenched garden that laid among his sheets. 

He gasped, more air than he could remember filling his chest. His hands covered his mouth, and his eyes clenched, his silent cries for Hinata going unheard. 

His body went limp, falling on top of the remains. All of the completely dead flowers turned to ash before his eyes, the rotten roots, complete with dead buds that had yet to bloom haunted his heart. But the silence was all too much. He felt that he would never be able to forgive himself for taking away Hinata’s final breath, so his own lungs could fill with air once again. 

It was simply a trade-off, at the expense of the life that he held closest to him. It wasn’t a choice, it was simply fate. Being here, in this room all alone at 4:30 in the morning, sitting in dried pools of his own blood, looking over to his phone that now buzzed on his nightstand, the screen lit up with the name of Hinata’s doctor. It really truly wasn’t his choice. And as he reached for his phone, he remembered the words they had shared just 12 hours prior. 

‘See you tomorrow’, they had said. He had just said it to say it, hopeful wishing. He scolded himself for not knowing better, another day was never promised on the cards they had been dealt.


End file.
